Woody Allen

"His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."

"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"I am two with nature."

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."

"I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers."

"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."

"I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right."

"If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job."

"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."

"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon."

"Marriage is the death of hope."

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."

"Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea."

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"