Will Rogers

"Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need."

"Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week."

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save."

"I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one."

"Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week."

"The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them."

"You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is."

"A fool and his money are soon elected."

"A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people."

"America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few."

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock."

"Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious."

"Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects."

"Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment."

"I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies."

"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago."

"If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them."

"If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics."

"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."

"Make crime pay. Become a lawyer."

"Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have."

"People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide."

"Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated."

"Politics is applesauce."

"The best way out of a difficulty is through it."

"The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'"

"The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living."

"The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other."

"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself."

"The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."

"The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you."

"There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."

"There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education."

"Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like."

"We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can."

"We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?"

"We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others."

"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."

"You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way."