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Mitch Hedberg

👨‍💼
Comedian
📖

American stand-up comedian

📅

Born

February 24, 1968

⚰️

Died

March 29, 2005

🏙️

Birthplace

Saint Paul

🏛️

Nationality

United States

💼

Other Occupations

Professional Background

comedianscreenwriteractorfilm directorstand-up comedian
10 quotes total
10 published
1
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"Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'"

Mitch Hedberg

Comedian

Time
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"I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."

Mitch Hedberg

Comedian

Automotive and Cars
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"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."

Mitch Hedberg

Comedian

Time
1Vote
Recently Published
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"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."

Mitch Hedberg

Comedian

Dating and Love
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"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."

Mitch Hedberg

Comedian

Morning and Dawn
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"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."

Mitch Hedberg

Comedian

Life and Existence
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"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

Mitch Hedberg

Comedian

Dreams and Aspirations
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"If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work."

Mitch Hedberg

Comedian

Work
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"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?"

Mitch Hedberg

Comedian

Cool and Awesome
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"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

Mitch Hedberg

Comedian

Amazing
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