Mark Twain

"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."

"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated."

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started."

"There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist."

"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

"We have the best government that money can buy."

"When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear."

"When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself."

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

"When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain."

"Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation."

"Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself."

"Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do."

"Work is a necessary evil to be avoided."

"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."